the · darkness · is · after · me...

I feel like a million bucks right now! I was just riding my bike and listening to a little queen and I just felt everything wash away. my problems at home with my mom and her boyfreind, gone. my not haveing a job, gone. my money problems gone. my problems with my ex-girlfriend Sara, gone. my problems with being lonely, gone. every thing that has been worrying me for the last 20 years of my life, gone! screw-em!

most of my teenage life I've been lonely, no one to understand me or confide in, only once in a while I would feel not lonely with my freinds only to return shortly thereafter. I was shy and insecure, afraid to tell girls I liked them or hang out with people I didn't know. it's weird but all of that washed away with a song and a bike ride.

I want to get started on my novel projects, I want to sing in a band I was scared ######## before and afraid to cut loose, but now I don't care if I #### up. I want to party with my freinds and get drunk! I want to ride a motorcycle! I want to go to canada with out a cent to my name or a plan! I want to paint a landscape!

as of today the only person I answer to is me. not my mom, not Brian, not my dad, not even Sara. only me!

I really hope this feeling lasts forever...
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CARPE DIEM MOTHERFUCKA!

I decided to make a list of thing that people should know about me.

1. I am 20 years old.

2. I have no drivers lisence.

3. I DO have a car it's an 88 cutlass supreme.

4. I have a wonderful girlfreind who makes me very happy.

5. I am first and foremost among my hobbies a gamer. I have always been a gamer and will always be a gamer. it the one thing that has always been their for me and made me feel a little better about me life.

6. although my girlfreind is way better at that. (please don't hit me!)

7. among my art I think poetry is my best subject. I am alway looking to improve myself as a poet and a person.

8. I have two younger brothers. Daryl who is 17 and curtis who is 13.

9. I also have an older half brother and sister on my fathers side. my brother steven who is 30 I think and my sister angela who is 34... I think...

10. I'm not to vocal about my opinions unless confronted or it's something i feel very strongly about.

11. I am loyal to my freinds and family to the end. I would die for my brothers or best freinds.

12. I don't have to many good freinds. but the ones I do have are enough for me.

13. I wear quite alot of black clothing. not because it the only thing I own...but because it is very hard to stain.(i'm a messy eater.) and that slimming effect is great.

14. I am often to ####### myself and my poetry. I just can't halp but compare it to my poetic idols. whitman blake and that kind of stuff.

15. I listen to all different kinds of music from rush to inflames all the way to b.b. king and paul oakenfold.

16. I'm an rpg addict and have been since age 10.

17. I love life and would love nothing more than to see humanity take a huge step forward in it's social and humanitarian evolution.

18. I am now running out of thing to say.

19. I had two jobs until last week when I quit wendy's. now I just work at the grocery store.

20. soundslike a good number to end this on. so i bid you good day

ya last week was my birthday...pretty ###### day except for seeing sara. and last wendsday i finally got my new ps2 so i can play kingdom hearts 2. other than that not much has happened with me lately... oh wait i forgot about my ps1 memory giving up the ghost... all my data gone. that's like 100 hour of my life that i have to do all over again. and now i have to buy a new one.

back to my normal life now.

so anyways it's been a long time since I've made a journal but I don't care. I had the happiest christmas eve ever! I spent the whole day with sara at my house! well not the whole day I went to a soup kitchen with her and the sabo family -her aunt who she is living with- and that was really fun. then we went back to my house and spent the rest of the day together. we exchanged presents. she got me a naruto hoodie (kakashi!) a orange sweater, a fleece blanket with flames on it, and a giant darth vader pillow, a.k.a. the baddest motherfucker in the galaxy. I got her a photo box, a picture frame, a spiffy red journal,and a bunch of other stuffles from the world market. it's actually a lucky thing we ended up their when we did. cause she told me on the phone that it was her favorite store, so that worked out. plus i got her two volumes of her favorite manga.

christmas was pretty fun too. i got two more sweaters, a set of sheets, an electric razor (which i really needed) and a hair straightener (which i really wanted.) after that i went to my dad's.

my dad went ape-#### on me when he found out i stole his playstation and gave hime my broken one. so now i've gotta buy us a new one. oh well their goes my next 2 paychecks.

i spent the following friday with my freind ricky who drove up from florida for the vacation. we ate at the big boy, then we went to his house watched sin city and went to a lynryd sknyrd concert it was pretty sweet even if it's not my kind of thing. after the concert we went to ram's horn cause we were both really effin hungry. i stayed the night at his place and went to the mall with him the following mornig where i left him to hang out with sara.

i sepnt new years eve with sara. we were at the mall until about seven oclock from noon. we went to a bunch of stores and she bought me some goth pants. and she bought us chinese zodiac charm thingy's so i'm a tiger and she's a horse. and then we went to miyakos. the japanese steak house with the little guy who flips the food into his hat. and after that we went and saw the chronicles of narnia. what a great movie. it was beautiful with out being over the top like the last few harry potter movies.

I felt bad cause she payed for everything. but then again i was really broke.
after the movie we went back to her aunt's house and watched the ball drop. and then I had to go home.

so all in all I had a good vacation.

I know it's been along time since I last updated my journal, but it's not exactly the top of my priority list ya know. so deal with my infrequent posts you pathetic worm babies.

in other news, i believe that i am going to embark upon a new journey in art. i'm going to make a comic! i hope. ya see a couple of weeks ago i checked out this book about neil gaimen, my favorite comic writer, I read it cover to cover and when I was finished with it I was inspired to do something a little more with my life. I thought maybe making a comic would be kind of fun. so I let the idea stew in my brain for alittle while. the problem was that I had no idea what kind of comic story to write. I mean I wanted it to be kind of original if I was going to spend all of this time on it. I figured an Idea would come to me so i put it on the back burner for a while.

so I started talking to my freinds and family about it, they all liked the idea. one of my freinds even told me to go for it cause I've got nothing to lose. I mean even I don't get it off the ground I will still improve my skills as a writer... it's kind of a win-win situation.

so I still had no idea for a story, until I read a shojo manga that my girlfreind had lent me. before I was even finished with the first book I had the beginings of an idea. I would write a shojo for guys with the main character being male. a pathetic loser type who falls hard for this really cool/hot girl who makes him come out of his shell.no need to mention that she make him more attractive in the process.

I think it's got some potential... as far as I know it's never been done before. it always about the shy girl who is brought out of her shell by the cool dangerous guy... so I figured I would reverse the roles. I've already got the two main character ideas down and I can allready imagin about 20 pages worth of pages for the comic. and some of the parts in the middle.

so what do you guys think? I could use any and all input you might have.

i've been working the last few days and it sucks. my back hurts everyday after work and my legs always hurt. but on the plus side i am now a level one burger flipping ninja. they are giving me #### for hours too. like i haven't rworked more then four hours at a time but they've got me working on thursdays fridays and sunday nights.

i went trick or treating with justin sara and kristine and that was fairly fun. i went as a dark angel. justin was tetsuo. sara was maric i think and kristine was emily strange. kristine didn't want to trick or treat but i made her cause she has to stop being so f=ucking shy. i told her i would break and to let her imagination make up it's mind ^_^

So I'm out of school for good next week. finally that god forsaken hole of stupidity won't get me! ha in your face formal education!

I got a job working at wendy's now. I have to leave for my first day of work in about an hour. so wish me luck with my new job. ^_^ i'm gonna get so fat.

sarah's mom went to jail yesterday. and that really sucks. i don't really know what else to say about that.

sorry about not updating in like forever. but it's all good i'm still alive and kicking.